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I'd like to share with you a discovery that I made a few months ago while writing an article for Italian Wired. I always keep my thesaurus handy whenever I'm writing anything, but I'd already finished editing the piece, and I realized that I had never once in my life looked up the word "disabled" to see what I'd find.
Let me read you the entry. "Disabled, adjective: crippled, helpless, useless, wrecked, stalled, maimed, wounded, mangled, lame, mutilated, run-down, worn-out, weakened, impotent, castrated, paralyzed, handicapped, senile, decrepit, laid-up, done-up, done-for, done-in cracked-up, counted-out; see also hurt, useless and weak. Antonyms, healthy, strong, capable." I was reading this list out loud to a friend and at first was laughing, it was so ludicrous, but I'd just gotten past "mangled," and my voice broke, and I had to stop and collect myself from the emotional shock and impact that the assault from these words unleashed.
You know, of course, this is my raggedy old thesaurus so I'm thinking this must be an ancient print date, right? But, in fact, the print date was the early 1980s, when I would have been starting primary school and forming an understanding of myself outside the family unit and as related to the other kids and the world around me. And, needless to say, thank God I wasn't using a thesaurus back then. I mean, from this entry, it would seem that I was born into a world that perceived someone like me to have nothing positive whatsoever going for them, when in fact, today I'm celebrated for the opportunities and adventures my life has procured.
So, I immediately went to look up the 2009 online edition, expecting to find a revision worth noting. Here's the updated version of this entry. Unfortunately, it's not much better. I find the last two words under "Near Antonyms," particularly unsettling: "whole" and "wholesome."
So, it's not just about the words. It's what we believe about people when we name them with these words. It's about the values behind the words, and how we construct those values. Our language affects our thinking and how we view the world and how we view other people. In fact, many ancient societies, including the Greeks and the Romans, believed that to utter a curse verbally was so powerful, because to say the thing out loud brought it into existence. So, what reality do we want to call into existence: a person who is limited, or a person who's empowered? By casually doing something as simple as naming a person, a child, we might be putting lids and casting shadows on their power. Wouldn't we want to open doors for them instead?
One such person who opened doors for me was my childhood doctor at the A.I. duPont Institute in Wilmington, Delaware. His name was Dr. Pizzutillo, an Italian American, whose name, apparently, was too difficult for most Americans to pronounce, so he went by Dr. P. And Dr. P always wore really colorful bow ties and had the very perfect disposition to work with children.
I loved almost everything about my time spent at this hospital, with the exception of my physical therapy sessions. I had to do what seemed like innumerable repetitions of exercises with these thick, elastic bands -- different colors, you know -- to help build up my leg muscles, and I hated these bands more than anything -- I hated them, had names for them. I hated them. And, you know, I was already bargaining, as a five year-old child, with Dr. P to try to get out of doing these exercises, unsuccessfully, of course. And, one day, he came in to my session -- exhaustive and unforgiving, these sessions -- and he said to me, "Wow. Aimee, you are such a strong and powerful little girl, I think you're going to break one of those bands. When you do break it, I'm going to give you a hundred bucks."
Now, of course, this was a simple ploy on Dr. P's part to get me to do the exercises I didn't want to do before the prospect of being the richest five-year-old in the second floor ward, but what he effectively did for me was reshape an awful daily occurrence into a new and promising experience for me. And I have to wonder today to what extent his vision and his declaration of me as a strong and powerful little girl shaped my own view of myself as an inherently strong, powerful and athletic person well into the future.
This is an example of how adults in positions of power can ignite the power of a child. But, in the previous instances of those thesaurus entries, our language isn't allowing us to evolve into the reality that we would all want, the possibility of an individual to see themselves as capable. Our language hasn't caught up with the changes in our society, many of which have been brought about by technology. Certainly, from a medical standpoint, my legs, laser surgery for vision impairment, titanium knees and hip replacements for aging bodies that are allowing people to more fully engage with their abilities, and move beyond the limits that nature has imposed on them -- not to mention social networking platforms allow people to self-identify, to claim their own descriptions of themselves, so they can go align with global groups of their own choosing. So, perhaps technology is revealing more clearly to us now what has always been a truth: that everyone has something rare and powerful to offer our society, and that the human ability to adapt is our greatest asset.
Every kid needs a champion
每个孩子都需要一个冠军演讲稿中英对照:
I have spent my entire life either at the schoolhouse, on the way to the schoolhouse, or talking about what happens in the schoolhouse. Both my parents were educators, my maternal grandparents were educators, and for the past 40 years I've done the same thing. And so, needless to say, over those years I've had a chance to look at education reform from a lot of
perspectives. Some of those reforms have been good. Some of them have been not so good. And we know why kids drop out. We know why kids don't learn. It's either poverty, low attendance, negative peer influences. We know why. But one of the things that we never discuss or we rarely discuss is the value and importance of human connection, relationships.
我这辈子,要么是在学校,要么在去学校的路上,要么是在讨论学校里发生了什么事。我的父母都是教育家,我的外祖父母也都是搞教育的,过去40年我也在从事同样的事业。所以,很显然,过去的这些年里,我有机会从各个角度审视教育改革。一些改革是有成效的。而另一些却收效甚微。我们知道孩子们为什么掉队辍学。我们知道孩子们为什么学不下去。原因无非是贫穷,低出席率,同龄人的坏影响。我们知道为什么。但是我们从未讨论或者极少讨论的是人和人之间的那种联系的价值和重要性,这就是“关系”。
James Comer says that no significant learning can occur without a significant relationship. George Washington Carver says all learning is understanding relationships. Everyone in this room has been affected by a teacher or an adult.
For years, I have watched people teach. I have looked at the best and I've look at some of the worst.
James Comer (美国著名儿童精神科医师)说过,没有强有力的联系,学习就不会有显著的进步。 George Washington Carver(美国著名教育学家)说过,学习就是理解各种关系。在座的各位都曾经被一位老师或者一个成年人影响过。这么多年,我都在看人们怎么教学。我看过最好的也看过最差的。
A colleague said to me one time, "They don't pay me to like the kids. They pay me to teach a lesson. The kids should learn it. I should teach it. They should learn it. Case closed."
一次有个同事跟我说, “我的职责不是喜欢那些孩子们。我的职责是教书。孩子们就该去学。我管教课,他们管学习。就是这么个理儿。”
Well, I said to her, "You know, kids don't learn from people they don't like." 然后,我就跟她说, “你知道,孩子们可不跟他们讨厌的人学习。”
(Laughter) (Applause)
(笑声)(掌声)
She said, "That's just a bunch of hooey."
她接着说,“一派胡言。”
And I said to her, "Well, your year is going to be long and arduous, dear." 然后我对她说,“那么,亲爱的,你这一年会变得十分漫长和痛苦。”
Needless to say it was. Some people think that you can either have it in you to build a relationship or you don't. I think Stephen Covey had the right idea. He
said you ought to just throw in a few simple things, like seeking first to
understand as opposed to being understood, simple things like apologizing. You ever thought about thatTell a kid you're sorry, they're in shock.
事实也果真如此。有些人认为一个人或者天生可以建立一种关系或者不具有这种能力。我认为Stephen Covey(美国教育家)是对的。他说你只需要做一些简单的事情,比如试着首先理解他人,而不是想要被理解,比如道歉。你想过吗?跟一个孩子说你很对不起,他们都惊呆了。
I taught a lesson once on ratios. I'm not real good with math, but I was working on it. And I got back and looked at that teacher edition. I'd taught the whole lesson wrong. (Laughter)
我有一次讲比例。我数学不是很好,但是我当时在教数学。然后我下了课,翻看了教师用书。我完全教错了。(笑声)
So I came back to class the next day, and I said, "Look, guys, I need to apologize. I taught the whole lesson wrong. I'm so sorry."
所以我第二天回到班上说, “同学们,我要道歉。我昨天的课都教错了。我非常抱歉。”
They said, "That's okay, Ms. Pierson. You were so excited, we just let you go." (Laughter) (Applause)
他们说,“没关系,Pierson老师。你当时教得非常投入,我们就让你继续了。” (笑声)(掌声)
I have had classes that were so low, so academically deficient that I cried. I wondered, how am I going to take this group in nine months from where they
are to where they need to beAnd it was difficult. It was awfully hard. How do I raise the self-esteem of a child and his academic achievement at the same time
我曾经教过程度非常低的班级,学术素养差到我都哭了。我当时就想,我怎么能在9个月之内把这些孩子提升到他们必须具备的水平?这真的很难,太艰难了。我怎么能让一个孩子重拾自信的同时他在学术上也有进步?
One year I came up with a bright idea. I told all my students, "You were chosen to be in my class because I am the best teacher and you are the best students, they put us all together so we could show everybody else how to do it."
有一年我有了一个非常好的主意。我告诉我的学生们, “你们进了我的班级,因为我是最好的老师,而你们是最好的学生,他们把我们放在一起来给其他人做个好榜样。”
One of the students said, "Really" (Laughter)
一个学生说,“真的吗?” (笑声)
I said, "Really. We have to show the other classes how to do it, so when we walk down the hall, people will notice us, so you can't make noise. You just have to strut." And I gave them a saying to say: "I am somebody. I was
somebody when I came. I'll be a better somebody when I leave. I am powerful, and I am strong. I deserve the education that I get here. I have things to do, people to impress, and places to go."
我说,“当然是真的。我们要给其他班级做个榜样,当我们走在楼道里,因为大家都会注意到我们,我们不能吵闹。大家要昂首阔步。” 我还给了他们一个口号:“我是个人物。我来的时候是个人物。我毕业的时候会变成一个更好的人物。我
很有力,很强大。我值得在这里受教育。我有很多事情要做,我要让人们记住我,我要去很多地方。”
And they said, "Yeah!"
然后他们说:“是啊!”
You say it long enough, it starts to be a part of you.
如果你长时间的这么说,它就会开始变成事实。
And so ― (Applause) I gave a quiz, 20 questions. A student missed 18. I put a "+2" on his paper and a big smiley face.
所以-(掌声)我做了一个小测验,20道题。一个孩子错了18道。我在他了卷子上写了个“+2”和一个大的笑脸。
He said, "Ms. Pierson, is this an F"
他说,“Pierson老师,这是不及格吗?”
I said, "Yes."
我说,“是的。”
He said, "Then why'd you put a smiley face"
他接着说,“那你为什么给我一个笑脸?”
I said, "Because you're on a roll. You got two right. You didn't miss them all." I said, "And when we review this, won't you do better"
我说,“因为你正渐入佳境。你没有全错,还对了两个。” 我说,“我们复习这些题的时候,难道你不会做得更好吗?”
01. Remember to say thank you
Hi. I'm here to talk to you about the importance of praise, admiration and thank you, and having it be specific and genuine.
And the way I got interested in this was, I noticed in myself, when I was growing up, and until about a few years ago, that I would want to say thank you to someone, I would want to praise them, I would want to take in their praise of me and I'd just stop it. And I asked myself, why? I felt shy, I felt embarrassed. And then my question became, am I the only one who does this? So, I decided to investigate.
I'm fortunate enough to work in the rehab facility, so I get to see people who are facing life and death with addiction. And sometimes it comes down to something as simple as, their core wound is their father died without ever saying he's proud of them. But then, they hear from all the family and friends that the father told everybody else that he was proud of him, but he never told the son. It's because he didn't know that his son needed to hear it.
So my question is, why don't we ask for the things that we need? I know a gentleman, married for 25 years, who's longing to hear his wife say, "Thank you for being the breadwinner, so I can stay home with the kids," but won't ask. I know a woman who's good at this. She, once a week, meets with her husband and says, "I'd really like you to thank me for all these things I did in the house and with the kids." And he goes, "Oh, this is great, this is great." And praise really does have to be genuine, but she takes responsibility for that. And a friend of mine, April, who I've had since kindergarten, she thanks her children for doing their chores. And she said, "
But before I show you what’s inside,
I will tell you that’s going to do incredible things for you .
It will bring all of your family together.
You will feel loved and appreciated like never before.
And reconnect to friends and acquaintances you haven’t heard from in years.
Adoration and admiration will overwhelm you.
It will recalibrate what’s important in your life.
It will redefine your sense of spirituality and faith.
You’ll have a new understanding and trust in your body.
You’ll have unsurpassed vitality and energy.
You’ll expand your vocabulary, meet new people, and you’ll have a healthier lifestyle. And get this, you’ll have an eight-week vacation of doing absolutely nothing.
You’ll eat countless gourmet meals.
Flowers will arrive by the truck load.
People will say to you: “you look great! Have you had any work done?”
And you’ll have a life-time supply of good drugs.
You’ll be challenged, inspired, motivated and humbled.
Your life will have new meaning: peace, health, serenity, happiness, nirvana.
The price?
Fifty-five thousand dollars.
And that’s an incredible deal.
By now, I know you’re dying to know what it is and where you can get one.
Does Amazon carry it?
Dose it have the Apple logo on it?
Is there a waiting list?
Not likely.
This gift came to me about five months ago.
And looked more like this when it was all wrapped up.
Not quite so pretty.
And this.
And then this.
It was a rare jam.
A brain tumor.
Hemangioblastoma.
The gift that keeps on giving.
And while I’m ok now.
I wouldn’t wish this gift for you.
I’m not sure you’d want it.
But I would’t change my experience.
It profoundly altered my life in ways it didn’t expect.
In all the ways I just shared with you.
So the next time you are faced with something that’s unexpected, unwanted and uncertain. Consider that it just may be a gift.
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