千文网小编为你整理了多篇相关的《最滑稽的辞职报告》,但愿对你工作学习有帮助,当然你在千文网还可以找到更多《最滑稽的辞职报告》。
范文一敬的xx:
自xx年入职以来,我一直很喜欢这份工作,但因某些个人原因,我要重新确定自己未来的方向,最终选择了开始新的工作。
希望公司能早日找到合适人手开接替我的工作并希望能于今年5月底前正式辞职。如能给予我支配更多的时间来找工作我将感激不尽,希望公司理解!在我提交这份辞呈时,在未离开岗位之前,我一定会尽自己的职责,做好应该做的事。
最后,衷心的说:对不起与谢谢! 祝愿公司开创更美好的未来! 望领导批准我的申请!并协助办理相关离职手续。
辞职人:xxx 20xx年x月x日
范文二尊敬的公司领导:
我很遗憾在这个时候向公司提出辞职,我来公司也3个多月了,对公司以人为本体恤下属特别是对我们基层监管员的照顾让我颇为感动,让我一度有着找到了依靠的感觉,而今公司正值用人之际,业务发展迅速,但是由于个人方面的一些问题,本人确实是不得已而为之,由此给公司带来的不便还望能够谅解!我考虑在此辞呈递交之后的两周内离开公司,这样您将有时间寻找合适人选来填补因我离职而造成的空缺,同时我也能够协助您对新人进行入职培训,使他尽快熟悉工作。能为公司效力的日子不多了,我一定会站好自己最后一班岗,与新人做好交接工作,尽力让项目做到平稳过渡! 我很遗憾不能再为公司辉煌的明天贡献自己的力量,我只有由衷的祝愿公司业绩一路飙升! 此致敬礼
范文三尊敬的xx:
我自xx年来到公司,工作中得到公司和您的培养,个人得到了很大的成长,公司的文化和环境也令我工作得非常开心。
现由于个人原因,我不得不提出辞职,希望能于x年x月x日正式离职,请公司批准我的这份辞职书。并请公司在x月x日前安排好人员接替我的工作,我将尽心交接。
再次对您x年来的培养和指导表示衷心的感谢。
您好!我怀着复杂的心情写这封辞职信。金融危机之下,出现了不少解雇现象,但也有不少人主动作为,有一封这样的辞呈,让受气的上班族梦想哪一天可以开除老板,一解怨气,有兴趣者可阅之!
顺口溜如下:
老板老板别神气,我将不再拍马屁;
因为你常发脾气,经常拿我出出气;微薄薪水真小气,要求业绩与压力;
我是白痴兼奴隶,忍气吞声当小弟;若非生活有压力,早就离职与唾弃;
竟然上班没波蜜,下班也无供马力;聊天不得话情意,害我嘴巴变麻痹;
加班没有维士必,福利也没KTV;初一十五要拜祭,也没赏赐表心意;
办公不准吹冷气,汗流夹背一满地;没有电脑来算计,自己大脑当机器;
文具用品都不必,自掏腰包当救济;公司小姐虽美丽,只能观赏与哭泣;
我想泡妞谈天地,因为忙碌无体力;你也不供好药剂,提神解脑玩床戏;
你常花天与酒地,虽是逢场与作戏;竟然将我来忘记,令我难咽这口气;
老板偷奸甜蜜蜜,竟被偷 拍成日记;大家争相来传递,老婆演出跳楼记;
我是祸首不规避,写真底片已丢弃;你可安心演床戏,今后无人耍诡计;
我在公司令你气,不如改行展魄力;辞呈放在你抽屉,求我挽留都不必;
本月薪水别忘记,我会回来找会计!
天要下雨,娘要嫁人,生死有命,富贵在天。本来我想在培养我的××公司里工作终老,但是生活是残酷的,巨大的生活压力迫使我抬起头来,去遥望那碧蓝的天空。这时,我多么羡慕那自由飞翔的小鸟,还有那些坐得起飞机的人啊。每个月的开头,我会满心欢喜的拿着微薄的工资去还上个月的欠债,每个月的月中,我为了省钱会努力勒紧裤带,重复性的,每个月末,生活的`本色就变成了借钱和躲债。
人比人,气死人。这是句俗话,但确实是亘古不变的真理。看着身边一个个兄弟都出国了,这心里跟火烧似的。看着朋友每月拿着15%的房贴,车贴,5、6百的取暖费,万儿八千的奖金,这心里就琢磨着,这人与人的差距咋就这么大呢?人生数年,弹指一挥间呀。是的,公司有培训,有培养机制,公司会尽量把每一位员工培养成为有理想,有道德,有文化,有纪律的四有新人,工资会涨的,面包会有的,可俺就看不明白,咋你们培养我就要3年5载地,人家咋不用培养就收了俺呢,俺还有多少年来给你培养?到时候,黄花菜都凉喽。人家咋就看得起俺,给俺钱呐?
龙入浅水遭虾戏,虎落平阳被犬欺啊。佛曰:一枯一荣,皆有定数。圣经上说:欠着我的,我会记下。梁朝伟说:出来混,总归是要还的。主席说:哪里有压迫,哪里就有反抗。小平**说:贫穷不是社会主义。电视上也说:要爽,靠自己。因此本人因为个人原因,决定离开已经服务多年的××公司。请求领导批准。
此致
敬礼!
辞职人:xx
辞职时间:xx年xx月xx日
搞笑讽刺述职报告 一年来,在各位领导的支持和培养下,在各位老干部的帮助下,在办公室同仁的共同协作下,协调了大大小小的事务,安排了大大小小的会议,撰写了大大小小的材料,迎接了大大小小的领导,通过了大大小小的检查,开展了大大小小的工作,无论在思想上还是工作方法上都有了很大进步,在对待和处理问题上也逐步趋向全面化。 一年的工作简单总结如下:
吃过饭,陪过酒,领导面前出过丑; 斗过嘴、置过气,工作干得更仔细; 熬过夜、加过班儿,脸上常年黑眼圈儿; 写过文儿、挣过钱儿,宣传报道出过名儿; 挨过骂、评过优,但愿来年好彩头。
傍晚,太阳快落山了,外面凉快了一点,我和弟弟到楼下荡秋千。
以前楼下只有小树林中间有座滑滑梯,最近在北面的草地上又多了一架秋千。一个秋千架上左右有两个秋千,一个红色,一个黄色的。秋千很大,是很粗很粗的铁管和铁链做的,荡起来很稳很稳。
弟弟选了红色秋千,我荡黄色的。坐上秋千,我往后退几步,踮起脚尖,突然双脚离地抬起向前使劲一用力,自己就荡了起来。我觉得秋千有点小型“海盗船”的感觉,很好玩。荡了几次我就摸到了规律,双脚配合着秋千一前一后的节奏一会儿向上抬,一会儿向后钩。不需要妈妈在后面推,我就越荡越高,风在耳边呼呼地响,感觉自己就像鸟儿一样在空中飞翔,自由自在,妙不可言。
弟弟荡着荡着就越来越低,看着我高高地飞起,他着急地说:“妈妈,推,推!”妈妈站在弟弟斜后方,用力一推,弟弟也飞了起来。我们俩就像两只大鸟,在空中来回地飞翔,小区的上空留下了我们欢乐的笑声。我抬头望向天空,明亮的月光照耀着我,仿佛跟我一起享受这快乐的时光。
时间过得飞快,奶奶喊我们吃饭了,我们恋恋不舍地跳下秋千回家去。
The bank
Scene: The manager’s office in a bank
Characters: Miss D. Posit, the bank manager
Monica, Miss Posit’s secretary
Mr. Moore, a customer
A bank robber
Miss Posit is sitting at her desk. The robber comes in suddenly
Robber: Nobody move!
Posit: Of course, I am professional. When I am working, I never move around.
Robber: Read this.
Posit: “Three tomatoes, four eggs and two cans of Coca-Cola.” You can get out, turn right, there is a Wal-mart. You will get what you want there.
Robber: Oh, thanks.
(The robber turns back and goes out.)
Monica brings Mr. Moore in.
Monica: Mr. Moore.
Miss Posit: Good morning, Mr. Moore.
Mr. Moore: Good morning.
Miss Posit: Thank you, Monica.
Monica leaves the office.
Miss Posit: Do sit down, Mr. Moore.
Mr. Moore: Thank you.
He sits down.
Miss Posit: Now, Mr. Moore, the situation is like this. You account is overdrawn. ¥10,000 overdrawn.
Mr. Moore: Oh, good.
He takes out his credit cards and shows them to the manager.
Miss Posit: Mr. Moore, Mr. Moore, if you use your credit cards, you’ll be overdrawn more, Mr. Moore.
The robber comes back again with a bag of grocery at hand.
Robber: Nobody move!
Miss Posit: Can I help you?
Robber: That’s better. You-
Mr. Moore: Me?
Robber: Yes. Read this.
He gives Mr. Moore a note.
Mr. Moore: Oh. OK. Er… (Reading) “Three tomatoes, four eggs…”
Robber: No, no, no. The other side this time.
Mr. Moore: Oh, sorry. Er…(Reading) “Give me all your…honey, or I’ll kiss you.”
Robber: Not kiss-kill!
Mr. Moore: Oh. Er…Miss Posit. I think this is for you.
He gives the note to Miss Posit.
Miss Posit: (Reading) “Give me all your money, or I’ll kill you.” I see. Would you sit down for a moment?
Robber: Sit down?
Miss Posit: Yes. I am very busy at the moment. Please sit over there.
Robber: But-
Miss Posit: I’ll be with you in a moment.
The robber sits down.
Miss Posit: Now, Mr. Moore. You spend twice as much as you earn.
Mr. Moore: But I earn ¥5000 a month.
Robber: Excuse me!
Miss Posit: Yes!
Robber: I make ¥50,000 a month.
Miss Posit: Really? Would you like to sit here?
Robber: Thank you.
Miss Posit: Mr. Moore, would you sit over there for a moment.
The robber and Mr. Moore change places.
Miss Posit: Tell me… where do you keep this money?
Robber: Here, in this bag.
He puts a large bag full of money on the desk.
Miss Posit: Oh, oh, yes. Very nice. Um…would you like to open an account, Mr…?
Robber: Robber.
Miss Posit: Well, just excuse me one moment, Mr. Robber. I’ll ask Monica to get the necessary papers.
Robber: Certainly.
Miss Posit leaves the office.
Mr. Moore: Excuse me…
Robber: Yes?
Mr. Moore: You make ¥50,000 a month.
Robber: Yes.
Mr. Moore: How do you do it?
Robber: I rob banks.
Mr. Moore: Oh, I see. You rob banks and steal the money.
Robber: Yes.
Mr. Moore: How do you do it?
Robber: It’s easy. First, you need a mask.
Mr. Moore: Oh, nice, I have got one.
Robber: Well, then you take a gun-
Mr. Moore: I haven’t got a gun.
Robber: Oh…well, borrow mine.
Mr. Moore: Thank you very much.
Robber: You take a gun and you take a note.
Mr. Moore: Oh, yes, the note. That’s very good. I like that. (Reading) “Three tomatoes, four eggs-”
Robber: The other side!
Mr. Moore: Oh yes. (Reading) “Give me all you honey, or I’ll kiss you!”
Robber: “Money” and “kill”!
Mr. Moore: Oh, yes.
Robber: You wear a mask, take the note, go into the bank, and put the note on the bank manager’s desk.
Mr. Moore: Is that all?
Robber: Yes.
Mr. Moore: I see.
Monica comes back with papers.
Monica: Ah, yes. Now, Mr. Robber-
Mr. Moore: Give me all your honey…money, or I’ll kiss…kill you.
Monica: (Scared) Money, Mr. Moore? Certainly. Take this bag.
She gives Mr. Moore the robber’s bag.
Mr. Moore: Oh, thank you. That was easy.
Robber: Yes, but-
Monica: Mr. Moore, your account is still ¥10,000 overdrawn.
Mr. Moore: Oh, yes. Well…um…Here you are.
He gives here ¥10,000 from the robber’s bag.
Mr. Moore: ¥1000, ¥2000, ¥3000, ¥4000-
Robber: But…but…
Monica: Thank you. Mr. Moore.
Mr. Moore: Goodbye.
Mr. Moore leaves.
Miss Posit: Now, Mr. Robber, here is your account…
Robber: But…But…But…
Monica: Mr. Robber, Mr. VIP, Here is my telephone number, My name is Monica…
Robber: Just a minute! I think something’s gone wrong. Hey, you! Come back! Bring back my money-and my gun! Come back!
He runs after Mr. Moore.
Monica: Hey, don’t forget to call me.
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